"Making choices builds willpower and self-esteem."
– Dr. Becky A. Bailey
Research indicates that the brain acts differently when choice is offered. Choices trigger the release of endorphins. Endorphins increase motivation, reduce stress, create positive attitides and foster a positive " I can" attitude. In short, the child experiences a general sense of well-being and confidence (Ornstein, 1991).
Young children are still developing a sense of self. This shows itself in a need to assert themselves when they hear an adult command.
Parent: "Take your toys to your room."
Child: "No."
The solution: Offer two positive choices
Giving two positive choices allows your child to comply with your wishes while still having the "last word".
Giving children choices helps your child…
Attend to a task that you deem importantComply with your wishesLearn decision-making skillsFeel empowered, which reduces power strugglesRedirect their behavior and learn impulse controlEstablish and maintain self-control
How do we offer two positive choices?
Step 1: Think in positive terms about what you want the child to do. Think of two positive options that are acceptable to you.
Step 2: Say "You have a choice!" Use an upbeat voice.
Step 3: State the two choices you have created to achieve your goal.
"You may ____ or you may____"
For older children you might say "Feel free to ______ or _____. What would be better for you?"
Step 4: Complete the process by asking for a commitment "What is your choice?" If you child hesitates, you may want to repeat the options.
Step 5: Notice your child’s choice by saying,
"You chose _____!"
Many people go through life unaware of the choices they are making and feeling controlled by life. By helping our children become aware of the choices they are making throughout the day, they will begin to feel less controlled and will begin to develop more self-control.
Works Cited
Bailey, Becky, PH.D. (2001) Conscious Discipline. Oviedo, FL: Loving Guidance, Inc.
Ornstein, R. (1991) The Evolution of Consciousness. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster.